THE COMIC LEGEND WHO HAS MADE WOMEN PEE IN THEIR PANTY HOSE IS NOW IN LOVE WITH GEORGE CLOONEY.
AFTER
62 YEARS OF COMEDY, YOU’VE GOT 12 EMMYS, DIRECTED 15 FILMS, WRITTEN FIVE
BOOKS, AND NOW, AT 79, ARE COSTARRING WITH BRAD, GEORGE, AND JULIA IN OCEAN’S
ELEVEN. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE?
[laughs]
It’s not to prove anything, it’s just to keep living. And Ocean’s
Eleven was so much fun, I couldn’t believe it. I fell in love with
George Clooney. The word mensch comes to mind. And I think Steven Soderberg
may actually be a genius. But to answer your question, first of all, you have
to do all the natural functions to live—that means eat, sleep,
kaka, and whatever. ‘Kaka’ is a Jewish word for ‘shit’,
by the way. [laughs] But if you can add some creative things in there, well,
it makes it much more exciting.
ESPECIALLY
IF YOU’RE A LEGEND.
Most
“living legends” never think of themselves as legends—or
if you do, you then think, “How come a legend like me is peeing
slower than I did two years ago?”
LET’S
RETURN TO THE DAYS WHEN YOU WERE A STAR AND WRITER ON SID CAESAR’S YOUR
SHOW OF SHOWS. MEL BROOKS HAS SAID THAT SID COULD “KILL A BUICK WITH
HIS BARE HANDS.” REALLY?
Sid
was extremely strong, but he never, um, hurt any of us. [laughs] But he did
things that people talk about to this day—like the story of when
he was riding with his wife in Central Park and the horse almost knocked her
to the ground. Sid got up, said, “Don’t do that!” and punched
the horse in the mouth. True story.
YOU
CREATED THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW BASED ON YOUR EXPERIENCES THERE, AND
IT’S PROBABLY WHAT YOU’LL ALWAYS BE BEST KNOWN FOR. IS THAT COOL
WITH YOU?
Boy,
is it ever—that show defined me, and it’s the only thing
that’s gonna outlive me! This morning I flipped on TV Land and there
was the walnut episode, the one where walnuts are taking over the world and
you lose your thumbs AND your sense of humor—it’s one of
my favorites.
YOUR
SON HAS SURE DONE WELL. IN FACT, YOU’RE SOMETIMES ID’D AS “ROB
REINER’S FATHER” AND…
And
to be able to be “somebody’’’s parent is thrilling. I
mean, I’ve had my day in the sun, and, God, they keep giving me awards,
so I really don’t feel passed by—the one I couldn’t
believe was a couple of years ago when they gave Mel [Brooks] and me a Grammy
[for The 2000 year Old Man in the Year 2000]. A Grammy for these two
old farts?! We couldn’t believe it!
WHEN
HAVE THINGS NOT GONE YOUR WAY?
One
of my favorite things I’ve written was a Broadway play, Something
Different, and it only lasted 100 performances. But two great things happened
afterwards. First, Joan Hackett, whom I’d never met, came up to me on
the street and said, “I laughed so hard in act one that I peed and it
went down my panty hose, but I came back for the second act and sat there
with squishy shoes.” Now, that’s a compliment you cannot forget.
Then, this Englishman came up and said, “Do you see this scar? I laughed
so hard at your play that I racked my head on the seat in front of me, and
it started to bleed, but I would not miss the second act, so I went to the
emergency room for stitches afterward.” [laughs] Now I tell people, “When
you can draw blood and piss from an audience, you’ve done it!” Hmmm….Now,
if only I could get somebody to actually die laughing, I’d REALLY have
it made.
DOES
THAT MEAN YOU’RE GOING TO KEEP TRYING ‘TIL YOU KEEL OVER?
Oh,
sure. And if that means a hundred, I’ll take it. But only if I’m
healthy, you know? No dribbling, please.
© 2015 Brantley Bardin. All Rights Reserved.
